SANTA JUST WANTS YOU TO BE HEALTHY
A monologue
By
Tara Meddaugh
It’s Christmas morning and Vita’s child Cameron, has just come to her bedroom at 5am to complain that Santa gave him a boring orange in his stocking. VITA tries to make Cameron understand that Santa simply cares about him and is looking out for his good health and happiness. Knowing the orange is a bit less than exciting though, Vita encourages Cameron to dig down deep to find another treat—most likely something spectacular. But what her child finds is (d’oh!) not exactly what Vita had in mind!
DETAILS
Genre: Comedy
Age range: 20s-40s
Setting: Bedroom, Christmas morning
Time period: Contemporary
Running time: Around 1.5 minutes
VITA
(to her child, Cameron)
Do you know how many children would love to have an orange in their stocking?
(pause)
Do you? Okay, don’t answer if you think you can count the number on your fingers. Because it’s more than ten. I’ll give you the answer, sweetie. It’s thousands, probably millions. Fresh fruit in the winter, in the northern hemisphere? It’s a gift. That’s why Santa gave it to you. He didn’t give it to you so you would run to Mommy’s bed at 5am and start whining that Santa gave you something healthy! Do you think Santa doesn’t care about your teeth? Or that you’ll be on a sugar high all of Christmas day because when you have a lot of sugar, you are not very nice to the cat, or your sister, and you don’t want it on record that you were mean on Christmas Day.
(pause)
Don’t cry, honey… Santa just wants you to be healthy! He knows mortal humans can’t survive on cookies and milk like him. He cares about you. Santa…you know Santa loves you and—Okay, why don’t you, why don’t you dig down deep in that stocking. Really, search around with your hand and—END OF EXCERPT
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