New Comedic Christmas Monologue: Purring Ironically
So the issue of “do you dress up your cat” is a hot button topic for pet-people! Personally, my cat “dresses up” once a year in a burrito cape for about 30 seconds so I can snap a Halloween photo of her, and then, I take it off and we’re done. Not that she seems to care if the cape is on or off, to be honest! Well, in this new Christmas monologue, Violet definitely has strong opinions about her kitty wearing something.
When Violet arrives home from work, she’s horrified to see her dignified cat, Luna, dressed up in a holiday “ugly sweater” and matching Christmas-light tiara. As she tries to figure out who might have done this cheesy costuming to her precious kitty, and why (hint: Her boyfriend, Fred, is none too pleased Violet refuses to wear matching snowman sweaters, even though he knows she’s not sarcastic enough to pull it off!), she tries to take off the cat’s sweater. But Luna doesn’t seem to want to take it off… In fact, Luna seems to be liking it. Licking it. Even purring at it. Can Violet accept it if her couture kitty is now preferring Ugly Sweaters?
Purring Ironically (formerly titled, Purring Sarcastically) is a fun comedic monologue for a female actor and runs about 2 minutes long. Check out an excerpt below:
VIOLET
(to her cat, Luna)
Who did this to you? My baby…Luna… who dressed you up like this? Did my mom do this when she stopped by today? She was supposed to check on you, not dress you up like a Christmas ornament!
(pause)
Your beautiful white kitty fur all covered up in that ugly red and green sweater and… Don’t tell me that’s a polar bear on the sweater. It is. You poor thing… I’m sure cats hate polar bears! I hope you’re not traum—
(looks closely at Luna)
What is that on your head? Is this a Christmas light tiara? No, no, no. This has to come off. If you’re going to wear a tiara it had better be handed-beaded couture and – definitely not plastic! I did not rescue you from the streets to have you paraded around like, like, I don’t know, you’re an extra in some bad Grinch remake. Come here.
(Luna won’t come to her)
Luna! Come here. I’m trying to give you your dignity back! Why are you…you’re backing away from me? I’m not the one who put you in that ridiculous costume! The only person I know who even likes those Ugly Sweaters is—END OF EXCERPT
Click below for the complete comedic monologue, PURRING IRONICALLY.