A REALLY GOOD REASON
By Tara Meddaugh
Genre: COMEDY
Cast: FEMALE
Setting: A coffee shop
Age range: 16-40+
Description: Kelly, a woman around 20 years old, speaks to her “friend,” Rebecca, in a coffee shop. She explains why she can no longer be friends with her. It’s not because of the things Rebecca does which are unattractive or unintelligent (these things only make Kelly look better in comparison). It’s because Rebecca is starting to look prettier, and boys are noticing. Kelly simply can’t have a friend who rivals for attention. That just wouldn’t make sense. Kelly lets her down as easily as she knows how.
_____________________
KELLY
There’s a really good reason I don’t like you. And I think, look, Rebecca, just listen, I think if you heard me, if you really understood the reason, I think you’d agree with me. And it’s not because you’re, y’know, “loose”—that’s a nice word I’m using because you know how considerate I am. I like a loose friend anyway because it makes me look like more of a catch. Same thing with how you forget to brush your teeth after you eat those egg salad sandwiches you always pack, or how you chew gum really loudly—and not in a sexy way, like I do. And how you say stupid things like, “Oh, those poor starving kids in Africa,” when really, there are a lot of rich people in South Africa who give tours of giraffes and stuff, so you really don’t know your geography. But that’s all cool with me, because your being those things just makes me look better. Which makes you look better too, because you’re friends with me. I’m thoughtful like that. But, the thing is…And…oh, it’s so hard for me say…
(pause)
But really, it’s not.
(pause)
You’re--END OF EXCERPT Click below for the complete monologue, "A Really Good Reason."